Your League Tennis Podcast
Tennis talk, for people that love to PLAY tennis.
Your League Tennis Podcast
From Court to Character: Finding Strength through Tennis and Family
I had the pleasure of sitting down with Therese for a heartfelt conversation, reminiscing about our shared love for tennis and exploring the impact sports had on her upbringing. We delved into the physical nature of soccer, how it develops skills useful in other sports like tennis, and how her father encouraged his five children to participate in sports, leading to Therese excelling at a young age.
As our discussion continued, we navigated the world of country tennis and the class barriers that often come with it. Therese shared how her brother inspired her to pursue tennis, and how their rivalry pushed her to improve. We also touched on the importance of embracing individual personalities within sports and how the tennis landscape has evolved over the years. Finally, we tackled the emotional and mental aspects of sports, with Therese opening up about her experiences and the impact it had on her emotional development.
Throughout our conversation, we explored the importance of having a supportive community, the power of positive thinking, and how self-improvement plays not only plays a crucial role in tennis, but a crucial role in evolving as a person. Don't miss this engaging and insightful conversation with Therese, as we dive into the world of sports and the lessons we can learn from our experiences on and off the court.
You are listening to your league tennis podcast with your host, anthony Radonia. Anthony is an avid weekend warrior tennis player, just like you. Every week, he'll be interviewing new and exciting guests that will not only differ in experience and skill level, but also in age and physical ability. Your league tennis podcast is about making you a better tennis player, whether you're a beginner or have been playing for years, in your 20s or in your 60s. Now here is your host, anthony Radonia.
Speaker 2:All right Therese.
Speaker 3:How much did you pay for those people to clap?
Speaker 2:for you, For those people a lot.
Speaker 3:I need to pay them too for myself.
Speaker 2:This thing was such a pain in the butt to learn, like have you ever seen these things?
Speaker 3:No, I mean, it's like you're a DJ.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what they did. They use this for music too, so cool, yeah. So, yeah, it took me a long time to learn it, but now it's pretty easy. But, thank you, you're here for the weekend, visiting anyways. Yeah, so I figured, why not Let's talk? Yeah, so this is cool. A little intro for you and then for anyone like watching, i guess. So you sort of know what I attempt to do here.
Speaker 3:I mean sort, of Sort of.
Speaker 2:So at first I think it's sort of morphed into something different. At first I was more focused on like give me a tip on a forehand or something Right, and I think it's sort of morphed for me at least into like you play tennis, but you also have a life. I just want to learn about you. So that's really what it turned into And I'm more excited about that. Like lately, like my last one was with my friend Tom, who actually went to Tacoma. You better have a better story to top that by the way.
Speaker 3:No commas, no commas, no dang it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, i was kind of like that and you know he and he had a different story, like how he you know anyways, but that's where my interest has sort of lied. Now We're just learning about you, your family, your love for tennis, right, obviously we're going to talk about that. But you know you don't have to feel like you have to give me tips or anything, but I'm more than happy to accept them every single time if you have some.
Speaker 3:I don't have any tips for you, but I'm good at critiquing, oh good.
Speaker 2:See, just kidding, i'm going to do that. We'll talk about me a little.
Speaker 3:No, actually this is cool. I think tennis is a great way to connect to people and that's how I remember it, because I'm not avidly playing like you and Denise are anymore, but it was. It was when I was really playing. It's a time in my life that was so fun And I played like seven days a week and never got sick of it, until just necks and shoulders and just the rigmarole of working and life gets in the way. But truthfully, if my boyfriend or husband I only have one husband, but boyfriends at the time didn't play, i sort of didn't play, which was kind of dumb. But I always played with dudes Since I was little, since, like my dad was like, come on, let's play tennis, and then just the competitive nature of our family, just trying to beat my older brother was always the end game, which never happened.
Speaker 2:So you have two brothers And I'm married to one of your sisters, you have two sisters And so your dad, Al, he puts you all into sports, or how did that start?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean look, five kids menace, you know, at home they're like get out of the house. I can remember like that. at that time, you know, in my 40s now, you weren't allowed to really be in the house. You had to be out of the house. So we always, you know, they always pushed us to do sports just so they could have a break. And really, my dad was an avid fan and then also wanted to play. So he was. it wasn't just about him like cheering you on, it was like him cheering you on And then can I play You?
Speaker 2:know, it's kind of like that. So did he play sports when he was young?
Speaker 3:No, he was called. he was a genius musician, bannered I mean and I love music, don't get me wrong but it was kind of classified as a bannered. That's what he used to tell us. So for him, sports came later.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, through his kids.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and what's funny is he had the most athletic kids. Well, you know, in terms of in comparison to him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So what did you start out playing? Like probably soccer, or Soccer.
Speaker 3:you know they put us in everything Soccer, softball, tennis, basketball, dance, you know, and I knew when I could see like Denise and Candice like doing back walkovers, like I knew that gymnastics dance that wasn't going to be for me. I felt like I was like born as an inflexible human, like my splits are terrible. But what came really naturally, what started to come really naturally for Denise and myself, was soccer. So we both kind of just started to excel at soccer and I started traveling at like eight years old.
Speaker 2:Which is funny because I was never really into soccer but only recently I started going to see live matches. One of my friends son plays in it Yeah. I realized how physical that sport is And I apologized to soccer people, probably like yeah, you had more on, but it is so crazy physical. And the reason I'm bringing that up is when I watched Denise play tennis. She is a monster And I wish I had more of that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and like, as we talk about it, i feel like soccer was a huge reason why I at least got as far as I could without actually taking a real tennis lesson, and then because the footwork was there And so you know, you're fast, you're, you can anticipate. I think anticipates a big word in tennis, because if you couldn't anticipate and like get there, you're never going to be good, you're never going to be fun to play with. So, yeah, soccer played a big role in why it was a little easier to transition into something like tennis. If that wasn't innate to me, tennis kind of came later.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like basketball, tennis, soccer. Those sports really are a long distance, plus sprinting incorporated. So I think football obviously is a. I mean, they're sprinting, you know. I don't know if you can consider football long distance a lot of short spurts, right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Baseball? I don't know.
Speaker 3:Baseball, come on.
Speaker 2:No, i love any baseball but no, you don't have to. No, you can sit down and drink beer. You totally can.
Speaker 3:Sorry Russ, my brother, big baseball guy.
Speaker 2:So first time you picked up a racket was when, do you remember?
Speaker 3:I think we used him as weapons against each other as kids, like doing it, like nail each other. I just remember my brother. So we lived in this cul-de-sac and it had a hill And my brother was that quintessential jerk Richard D-I-C-K brother. He was like Chet in Weird Science. You know that guy.
Speaker 3:He would literally take, like this, these our neighbors had what we'd call lava rocks. They were just rocks that they used for their ground covering and he would take a bunch of them and tell us to go down the street and he would take them and try to hit us with the rocks, with the tennis racket.
Speaker 3:So the tennis racket had a little bit of a negative meeting in our house, but you know, every time there was a tennis match, like I grew up with the John McRose, Yvonne Lendles, like Martin and Chris Everett, my dad would be like I love Chrissy, Yeah, I'm like Chrissy. Okay, dad, like you really know her.
Speaker 3:Stephie Graff was somebody that always I just thought she was incredible and incredible to watch. I've seen her, I've saw her live a couple of times, but we grew up with those people and I felt closer to the game then than I do now. And then our parents put us in like a tennis camp by a local woman. Her name was Melissa Porozak and she had this tennis camp and I'll say when I'd say camp, it wasn't like maybe what you're thinking, it was pretty recreational, Didn't matter what level you were. We were like eight, nine, 10, somewhere in those ages, and I have to fix this, And so you know it was fun more than it was like competitive.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So it was all day, all week, all summer.
Speaker 3:It was a summer camp, it wasn't all day, it was, like you know, eight to noon, and then that was it. So I think the real thing started for me was when my dad would make me play and then he bring Russ out and then it would just be like an all out competitive. I would see them just fight Like somebody would throw a racket, like we definitely took after Macaronar family. And then I remember like Russ's friend met us at the court with his little brother who was my age We were in the same elementary school and my dad left, so the two boys locked me and my schoolmate in the court and just nailed balls at us.
Speaker 3:So this sounds terrible, like you'd think, why would I ever want to play tennis? but there was some fire in me. I just wanted to get good, to be my brother. That was the whole thing. And so I really didn't play that much in the years of, i would say, from that tennis camp eight, nine, 10 to like sophomore year of high school I didn't play that much. Denise was taking lessons in high school When it was like her, she decided to take some lessons and I was in middle school and she's like Hey, teresa, let's go play tennis And I'm like sure, and she I'm sorry, denise, i love you and I know you're going to edit this, but it was no contest And so it was like okay there's some You won Yeah.
Speaker 3:There was, and she'd get mad and leave and never talked to me and write mean things about me and her diary and vice versa, And like we just always, there was always a little bit of a competitive thing, but yeah. so I just knew I had something natural, but I didn't take it seriously.
Speaker 2:And then. So when you're playing now, do you feel that competitiveness at all? Is it more just fun or Well, let me kind of so.
Speaker 3:This is what happened. I was playing PE, the varsity tennis. You know, you played tennis at PE and the varsity tennis coach was this woman named Mrs Yarden now, and she goes Hey, teresa, i think you should try out for tennis. And I was on the varsity soccer team. I made it as a freshman And so I thought soccer was going to be my path. But truthfully, in my heart of hearts, i was getting sick of soccer. I wanted to be with a boyfriend and I, you know, was trying to smoke a cigarette or two. I mean, i was just kind of rebelling against sports because I didn't love all my coaches. Like I felt a couple of my coaches were turn offs for me And it wasn't, like you know, rocky four.
Speaker 3:I felt like I'd the Russian coach or something. Just I did. You know, just the stuff they made me personally do, just made me hate the sport like started because they were too like military or they didn't care about it.
Speaker 2:Militant, Oh okay.
Speaker 3:And I had a little bit of an upbringing where my mom was tough, my dad was a little easier, but I was kind of sick of that And and so I was starting to like get sick of the competitive part.
Speaker 3:But I had so much fun playing tennis and PE and it always ended up being this me and this guy and we'd go at it at the very end and we'd win Like I'd win or we'd play doubles together, we'd win. So I ended up trying out like I actually fell asleep during that, like I slept through the tryout the first one cause I didn't think I was really gonna do it and Miss Yarnel sent someone to knock on my door cause we live behind in the high school and she's like we want you to try out. So I did and I ended up making varsity and I started out kind of as a doubles player, which I was new to me, and then I ended up playing third single, like I was running like third singles and then did doubles with you know that too, And it was. I was surprised myself. I ended up being this is what someone said to me you're seventh in the county in.
Speaker 3:San Diego like based off your winnings, And we ended up winning CIF.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah, which is kind of cool.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's huge.
Speaker 3:Until your dad brings his trumpet to the CIF final and plays it.
Speaker 2:So that's what he would do. He would literally bring his trumpet and play Cause. You guys tell that story, but I really don't. I can't really like perceive it really. So he's always there with his trumpet.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like some people would call it cool. You know, like, oh, your dad's so cool. I it was a nightmare because Tennis is supposed to be quiet and it's not supposed to be like he'd play a jazz version of the charge song. So it was. They called me a sacrificial lamb in the newspaper because I lost all my matches. We still won CIF, but I was at the you know detriment of me losing all my matches. So you know, it was just. That was another element I think that turned me off. Like, look, i would do anything to go back and have my dad there with his trumpet at 47, you know, losing my dad, that like I would do anything to. Like let him be him. But as a kid, especially in your teenage years, when your you know friends watch you or your boyfriend, the last thing you want is a dad who plays trumpet at your tennis match but you know he did use my biggest fan, so there's that.
Speaker 3:So yeah, it was, you know. and then here's what happened. This is not as like the big story, like your last coma story, but I ended up there Like you need to go and actually take this seriously. And, by the way, i had a couple of people tried to change my stance. I had an open stance which I guess back then wasn't-.
Speaker 2:It wasn't a good thing at the time, yeah.
Speaker 3:But it worked for me. In fact, most of my strokes were wrong And so I sort of like muscled my way through it And they're like you really need to go take the lessons. Do the country club thing. So I'm forgetting what the name was, but there was this country club in Escondido that like were really good people went. And so I tried and I realized I'm not. Well, i wasn't as good, but I got a little bit intimidated and somewhat termed off by the country club. Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:I didn't have the outfits. I saw people looking me up and down. I was in soccer shorts, not a tennis skirt. I was in a Padre hat, not a visor, because my parents weren't gonna go out and buy me all this gear. It's not like they had all this cash to do that. So there was a little bit of a and I don't know if anyone else has felt this, but at the time like an alitness to the sport that I almost, like, said I don't deserve to be here And literally shut my mental game and I didn't wanna play. So I didn't actually play my senior year.
Speaker 2:No, i know exactly what you mean. I mean me. It was a little different because my dad was my coach and the high schools back then were always open.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So we would literally go to high school every day after school. That's what we would do. So I didn't really have that. It was more like we were sort of middle class. I think we could have afforded more private lessons. But it was, my dad was my coach and it gets really expensive. So he would coach us every day. But no, i know what you mean. I mean I think that's always been sort of the knock on the sport a little too formal, a little too traditional.
Speaker 3:If that's a bad thing, i know it could be a good thing, obviously too. Let's be honest, it felt like a little bit of a case system or something like that. I mean, I'm a half Asian white girl in a country club that no one looked like me, And so I felt a little. you tell yourself stories and I had experienced some things like that just growing up in the town. I grew up And I just felt like, okay, that's not for me. There's more people that play soccer that look like me.
Speaker 2:I get you.
Speaker 3:It just felt like I don't know. I just told myself it's not for you And then, as I got older, i ended up playing a little USTA. I got in and out of it pretty fast. We won our mixed doubles. My partner was some dude I met off Craigslist. He looked like Garfield, he was weird but he was good, and he was like you could be a 5.0, i could train you Cause, he said he trained people at UCLA Like but, I think that was a lot Like I don't know.
Speaker 3:It wasn't like. I Googled a lot back then, but he really did make me better And we won our mixed four. I think I found the plaque the other day was like 4.5. But, singles wise, I didn't play 4.5. I was just playing USTA as a doubles. Yeah. And so, yeah, i mean at the end of the day, when I got to my 20s, 30s, i ended up moving to Arizona for business partnership and I joined a country club and I felt it again. It was very clicky and no.
Speaker 2:What age was this?
Speaker 3:This was. I moved to Arizona at like 30, 31.
Speaker 2:And And why did you join it?
Speaker 3:I wanted to play tennis. I moved to Arizona. I knew no one. I was good enough to play, you know, i'd been out of it for a year or so, but I had this boyfriend that he didn't play tennis, but we got into it and he was an Olympic baseball player, so he was just a good athlete.
Speaker 3:We were playing seven days a week. So we got so many people to play. We had these courts that we just took over in LA and keep doing that And we just had a great time. So when I moved to Arizona, I missed that community And so I tried to join this country club before having it. So, yeah, i think I experienced some. You know where I look at you guys and your community here in Murrieta in Temecula. It's so fun, like everyone's like cool.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's been so lucky because I remember when we moved out here, i wasn't playing at all. Actually, i haven't picked up a racket and I don't even know when, like 18, 19 years, and then so the local country club, murrieta country club I called and said hey, i just want to hit with someone. And I remember going there, i go, oh, I don't even have a racket. You know, i've been playing tennis my whole life and I didn't bring a racket, i just something was like I haven't done it in so long And so, but once they let me borrow a racket, i bought some shoes at like Dix or whatever it was, and I didn't even have tennis shoes And I was wearing basketball shorts because I haven't played literally in many, many years. And once I started hitting again, i just was like addicted It's so fun Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then I got just so lucky, like you said, because the community is what we really fell in love with, because Denise has so many friends now because of it, i have so many friends now because of it, and it's like I don't know. It just opened us up to enjoying something different within our marriage but also outside our marriage, like you can do something outside and have fun, but at the same time we can play together. You know, and her friends are my friends, my friends are her friends, you know, kind, of thing.
Speaker 3:We love seeing Denise this happy and having a hobby that she actually loved before she knew you, and I think she just didn't have the people to play with And so it's like so nice when you find your people And tennis has become much more universal And I think so many look a lot of the players kind of broke the rules too, like when you see like Venus and Serena and like the outfits people wear and it's become a little more colorful interesting Dip.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sorry that things I keep doing this. No, I gotta buy better connections.
Speaker 3:Every single person has a connection problem, Sorry it's because I have musing my hands, but it's just really nice to see the sport evolve.
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, and now I really going back in my head, or you know, if I knew what I knew, then I would have stuck with it, i wouldn't have. You know, part of it was like I was intimidated by it instead of embracing it. I was like, well, i could never be like that, i'm not gonna be able to measure up and look the part and just the dumb things you think about as an insecure teenager.
Speaker 2:It's funny how you're focused more on that and then you started talking about the fashion I know sort of side of it. but that's you, That's me because you're, you're. I guess it's not really fashion industry, right, it's not because that's clothing, right?
Speaker 3:where I've been in the beauty industry 20 years. And I always knew I wanted a beauty brand. I was always wearing, like, not a full face and makeup, but I'd wear lip gloss on the court, like a couple of us did, yeah and So, yeah, i always felt like, you know, it was nice, it was fun to be girly, yeah, while being like a tough, competitive athlete like I liked both.
Speaker 2:Yeah Yeah. So I Mean, i know you don't watch much tennis right now, but I wonder really who embraces that as a pro tennis player. I mean, there's obviously people who are more into fashion as pro tennis players, but a lot of it's pretty boring and the weird thing is like if you see like the guys and their Nike outfits, they're pretty horrible. Have you been seeing?
Speaker 3:that You know. I just it's nice that not everything just has to be your quintess. I like, don't get me wrong, i like a white traditional, you know, but I like that things are a little more fun. Yeah, i feel like you know. Did you see that movie air With, like the making of Michael Jordan's shoe?
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, I did.
Speaker 3:Like there's. There had to be some rule breaking to do that, and that's right, because they had a certain amount of red.
Speaker 2:I mean the shoe.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah and I feel like when the players, it has to come from them Really. It has to come have a groundswell from within. Yeah and I think that's what has happened to golf and tennis and, like these, more traditional.
Speaker 2:Well, just even like two years ago, kirio swore his Nike Air Jordans walking out to Wimbledon and later on he was like destroyed for it And said you can't. You were told you can only wear white shoes because Wimbledon's white white shoes, white shorts, white shirt. And People were like why would you dare do that? He's like why wouldn't I? you know and find me if you want. So it was just even that question. He was like shocked, like oh, i can't even wear a different color shoe out here. So it's really, really strange.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's interesting, it's like well, even you know, from the rack It's on, everything's evolved and that's a good thing And I think people's personalities come through much more. The only time I haven't seen real like personalities come Have you ever seen like? did you see Mickelson against Tiger Woods in that HBO?
Speaker 2:When they were mic'd up.
Speaker 3:I thought it was gonna be so fun to see their personalities truly shine. It was the most boring was it boring, I didn't get to see it but I feel like the personalities come through now through the clothes, through, you know it's, it's fun to watch that you know where before it was like better not say anything but Mac and row pretty much.
Speaker 2:No, but you're right. Even recently. Now They're questioning the players on hey, should we allow the crowd to get more into it? because Obviously, tennis is if you're in the crowd you can't even sneeze like your cell phone rings.
Speaker 2:Oh, shut up your jerk. But now they're trying to do stuff to incorporate more of the crowd, and they were even asking pro players like Like no, we need this to be more like a basketball game, more like a soccer game, like there needs to be noise all the time. Because I get it, though, when it's quiet and then there's a noise, it messes you up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I need white noise.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:I do feel like there's certain traditionalists and players that want it how it is. But I do think, like you want the crowd to be engaged. You know You want people to want to be there and these rivalries help. But also like, like seeing something that's different or, like you know, seeing something change is always fun to see, you know. So, yeah, how do you feel? Actually, i want to ask you a couple questions since I'm your sister-in-law.
Speaker 3:Um, you seem to always have a little bit of a game face in poker. You do it in Conversations where I might ask you questions that make you go a little bit more. You're like an onion that I haven't fully Peeled so when you say game face, you mean I'm. I feel like, yeah, you have your game. Like I play tennis like you, don't let much get to you.
Speaker 3:Okay you know you kind of are resilient, like that, which is a good thing. I don't see you get upset and I don't see you get super exuberant. You're sort of it like right now, you're sort of the hmm, but I know There's a lot happening in there. So when do you ever let like, let all your things like colors, flat, like? I've never seen you deviate much.
Speaker 2:So here's the real interesting part of your question Only recently I've really been trying to um, like go deeper into that question for myself, because I really feel that when I'm the best, i'm letting more emotion out, and so I I find myself, um, calming myself down and not letting myself like exactly what you said. It's actually pretty spot-on. I try to find myself not getting upset, but then when I don't let myself get upset, i don't also have those highs of like joy or like Pumping, like I'm not that player on the court like come on, like that kind of stuff. But I but I remember when I've done that and it's been extremely rare When I've done that it's my best tennis by far Like, and there's something about allowing me just to be me, because I think it is a sort of like I shouldn't be this way, like I think it's rude Or I don't want to be rude to you, my opponent, kind of thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah and there's only certain times when I really just go out there And it's in poker too, actually, when I'm on the table talking Confident, maybe a little cocky, throwing in some jokes. That's when I'm really on, i'm watching you, i'm watching what you're doing, or if I'm like a little submissive and I'm just quiet and trying to be nice, i'm not playing my best poker, and I feel it's the same exact way on tennis.
Speaker 3:Have you always been like that, as a kid too? Like what? what was that from?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a. It's a good question. I don't, truthfully, i don't know. I really feel that, um Gosh, i've never even thought of it going back that far, to be honest. I've only tried examining the present. But if I try to examine myself, oh gosh, it has to be something with my dad. Let's be real, i mean, let's we're talking about dad's.
Speaker 4:It's father's day today. Oh, you're right. Happy father's day. Oh my gosh, we are, but I do, i feel like so much sports of our mannerisms and or our drive.
Speaker 3:If you really peel back, the onion can really come from that parental. You know, either the support of or in opposition of, or both at different times. Yeah could be driving us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i mean, and so before I maybe say something, because I, my dad's been watching these, but I have the most supportive parents, the most loving parents.
Speaker 2:They are a split second They would do anything for me, give me all their money, come and change a tire. That kind of parents Literally the best parents in in the world, i feel. But at the same time when I was young, i did feel a little like I don't know. I'm now thinking back on it. There was a lot of missed emotion for me Because it was very harsh, like coaching sometimes, like doing push-ups, you know, like being told to do push-ups during your practice or maybe even like during play. I remember like if I would look at my dad I'm playing a match, i shouldn't be thinking about what my dad's thinking about, yeah, and so I remember just sort of closing myself a little and I think that sort of progressed into me now.
Speaker 2:But it also helps in my job too, where I can't be so emotional you're an attorney Yeah so representing people I can't really I I sometimes can't feel so Emotionally, emotionally attached to them, because then I feel maybe I'll be a little biased For the wrong things. Do you know what I'm saying? So I have to sort of sometimes detach myself But at the same time care about them. So it's really tough.
Speaker 3:It's tough and yeah, and to your point about your daddy's always so kind, that's how it was more back then, even when I read, like I read Agassi's book and like You know, there was always an intense parent or an intense coach, and that's kind of what was happening with me.
Speaker 3:I had this really intense couple coaches that made me take my shoes off, hit kick Heavier balls, and I was the only one that they made stay after practice to do that And I'm like, why am I singled out? But looking back, it was sort of that again rocky for reference where You know you have to train harder and you have to. You know you have to train your mind and you know. But I also think that Stunted something in me too, where I just was like I don't want to do this. It was getting too much, where I didn't know what I was processing.
Speaker 3:And then I would take it home, i'd see my dad and then I'd take it home and We just it kind of did hurt our relationship because I didn't know how to Do it, i didn't know how to have that, that intensity And then also, let, like him, be my dad. I don't know how to explain it.
Speaker 2:Do you have any feelings of like? and this is funny because I had a conversation with my oldest daughter about this recently. We were talking about regret or something And I'm trying to tie this in because it made me think of it, so I hope this does connect here. But my oldest daughter was asking about regret and things like that And I started realizing that the only time I have regret it's not because of something I did and failed or something. Maybe necessarily I didn't even try.
Speaker 2:I know some people say like if you don't try, you have regret. My regrets and my past were always that I didn't. What is it Like? sort of stand up for myself when I should have. I didn't speak up when I should have because it makes you feel small later, like you know, if you were in a situation where if you didn't speak up and someone sort of takes advantage of you in a weird way later on, that regrets there because you feel a little small and taken advantage of. And I feel the connection is in tennis sometimes I'm not letting my true feeling out And later on I don't regret my strokes, like I didn't hit a good forehand today. I've usually hit a pretty good forehand, but there's something about I'm regretting that I didn't let myself like fully. Just I don't know what, what's the word?
Speaker 3:I know it's probably why I asked this question Like I'm so stoked to have you in the family for many reasons, tennis being one of them. Maybe, you know, not the first one, obviously but it's awesome to watch you play And the minute I think I'm good, i remember about you and I'm like I'm not that good at all. Never was, never will be. You do have a gazelle like the way you play and I see you hit with. You know people that are better and not you guys like make each other better. You have it all. I think the thing that if I was going to do a critique, it's always been like yeah, there's not, like, there's not that emotional burst.
Speaker 3:There's never anything, you know, And so sometimes I'm like is he connecting to that thing And I don't know cause? I've had those issues too, where I haven't been able to say everything I want to say or do those things in business too, Like when you meet certain types of people like I'm always having to ask for money cause I am raising money And sometimes I automatically give that, them the power, you know, some things like that.
Speaker 3:And then I feel small, like I'm begging and you know, instead of looking at it as an equal exchange and an opportunity and investment, that kind of thing, Sometimes those old programs run. So, yeah, it'd be like I think about like Serena even hitting a ball and like how, like I've had a coach tell me you know how Serena hits the ball, just like grunt, do the thing. I can't. do it Like I can't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it's almost like it feels a little weird, weird and unnatural and like I'm embarrassed, embarrassed.
Speaker 3:Yeah, i think that's what it is. It's not having the confidence.
Speaker 2:Yeah So you know what and you said that right now about your job. It really does like just, i'm really glad we're talking about this, cause it makes. This is all I've been thinking about lately. I don't know, even know why I want to start the podcast. I just wanted to do something else, to be passionate about, cause I'm passionate about this And so I've been really feeling better. But also, at the same time, i feel like I'm trying to examine other parts of my life where I'm not doing this.
Speaker 2:And so you talking about your job, where you felt a little small. When you're asking for money, all you had to do, i think you hit it around the nose. All you had to do was think of it differently. It's not that you're begging for money. It's that you're giving someone an opportunity to invest in you and your company, and once you think of it that way, you're now on equal footing with this person. I think I have to think of it that way with tennis, which is sometimes. It's weird. I shouldn't even be playing sports if I think this way, but sometimes if I beat someone in a game, i feel bad for them, isn't?
Speaker 3:that weird.
Speaker 2:It is weird. So shouldn't I flip the script and go no, they're trying to improve, just like I'm trying to improve. Losing helps you improve.
Speaker 3:Agreed Right.
Speaker 2:So I have to think of it differently. Where it's not me feeling bad Cause, then I start to shrink, i start to not play as good, i start to not be as passionate.
Speaker 3:I can do that with me. You're allowed to do that with me. Feel bad. I feel bad with you. No, no, it's true. I feel like that's. it's some old programs that come out in sports. They come out in these situations and business and sports, and you kind of root for the underdog and then you become sort of, like you said, smaller, and that's not the example you want to set. No one wants to. No one wants to lose to someone. That's too nice.
Speaker 2:Nice. Yeah, it's so weird. You know, remember that. this made me just now think of this song in the nineties, and I recently just downloaded it, like a month ago, which is crazy. Do you remember Enigma?
Speaker 3:Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:Okay, and the return to innocence.
Speaker 3:Totally. You do remember that song.
Speaker 2:Okay, sort of a corny song, totally. You probably wouldn't be listening to it alone in the car with the windows down, but in the shower you're probably singing it Right. It's that kind of song.
Speaker 3:It's hard to sing to though Totally. I dare you to do it right now. No, I dare you.
Speaker 2:Definitely not. But there's this one part and I actually remember it when I was young because I didn't understand it, but like a month ago it just made me think I'm like what an interesting quote. This one part of the song says don't be too proud to be strong. That's the quote.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm literally like this makes no sense. What does that even mean? You can't. why would you be too proud to be strong? Like? isn't strength like a virtue, right, yeah, so why would you be? why would the song be telling you don't be too proud to be strong? And then it actually sort of hit me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you kind of just said it, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was like wait, this is a weird prideness, proudness thing where I'm trying not to hurt their feelings, i'm trying to show everyone look, guys, i'm not getting mad on the court And it's something more about like me, like, instead of being no, you should be strong, because people want to see you be strong and they want to be inspired by you.
Speaker 3:Well, and on this podcast like it's those things that people are gonna listen, wanna listen to it's getting not just getting it out of your guests, but getting it out of you too, cause you'll say I'm passionate, and you'll say it just like that. Yeah, yeah. I'm passionate. I'm like oh really. Oh really.
Speaker 3:I wanna see it in your face. You have a great face, can show the passion, but that's the thing is like giving yourself permission to be in your fullness and in your power, and that's been hard for me my entire life, and I think it was hard for my parents, and I think it it's like my mom wanted perfection, cause she's kind of has that, but then I was almost scared of her too, so it's like I wanted her to be proud but, I was also scared.
Speaker 3:It's just crazy. But a lot of that did play out. It plays out in adult life If you don't figure it out in all sorts of ways. But sports, the one regret I have is quitting. I quit. I couldn't take it mentally. So in some ways what your dad did probably strengthened your mental game where I just kind of fell apart in my head And then I'm like, whatever, i have a boyfriend, i wanna focus on that. Whatever, i'll just get a job. You know, it was like there's so many other things I wanna do, but I still have this hunger to be an athlete. Now I'm injured and I have back issues, all the things. But there was a good window of 10 years where I just was sad because I gave up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Man, I mean, you're making me think a lot.
Speaker 2:You said I'm not no, and I'm not joking around, but you're right, though, that this is. This is the part why some podcasts you really just listen to and you don't care, almost in a weird way, what they're talking about. As long as they're passionate about what they're talking about You, you find it interesting and I think that's why, like the Joe Rogan podcast It's just to say it because everyone sort of knows about it He has a different guest on every week about totally different subjects. It's interesting because the guest is passionate about their craft, whatever that is, whether it's UFOs or whether it's science or math, but they're passionate about it.
Speaker 3:And then the host is interested about it and it just becomes interesting right, and I, you know, i've listened to smart lists where it's Jason Bateman and a couple of I forgetting their names at the moment. But what they do is they just talk to each other and Let people hear, and then they bring. And then someone brings in a guest and it's surprised to the other two. Oh so it's kind of cool because you don't know it's not rehearsed.
Speaker 3:Yeah but I feel like you know, at the end of the day, people just want to connect and yeah, so, whether it's the community of tennis, whether it's any sport or any sort of anything you do When you feel isolated or small, it sucks, you know. And so what I feel like tennis did for me at a time in my life was making me feel part of something fun and cool. And, you know, more people started to come into our lives. I learned more about people, i started going on Trips with these people, i started learning other skills through. You know, it's that community piece that I think everyone wants to connect to. Yeah, and then, in addition, really allowing yourself to be in your full like, and what does that take? and you know, because that thing I mentioned before about asking for money for investors, by the way, i have to like, okay, every day, every time, like you're probably gonna hear no, but it's, you know, it's really about the exchange if you have something to offer.
Speaker 2:You know I have to put myself up every single time and it's still you think and I'll tell you how I feel after and I I think I know the answer, but I want to hear what you think. Do you think everyone thinks that way, or is it just you like? do you think you're the only one that has to give yourself a pep talk?
Speaker 3:No, i think there's so many people I mean look, i've done a lot of self-work over the years. Well, you know, whether that's therapy, whether that's, you know, reading the right books or the ones that resonate, and then doing the like, practicing those things, like even in marriage. Marriage is, you know, no one said that was easy. I have to really practice.
Speaker 3:Yeah these, these mindset tricks on myself. No, i think it's constant in the minute. You think you're good, you're not like. It's constant. And it's a good thing, because our whole goal, i think, on this planet is to evolve and to learn and to inspire and to be of service. And so you. That means you have to learn more about people. Yeah and how, how you, you take and.
Speaker 2:The thing I'm I think I'm more focused on is when I do the pep talks prior to a tennis match, i find a little bit of insecurity Leaking in, because I find the pep talk is sometimes I'm trying to pet myself up. right the pep talk, i'm trying to talk myself into it, i'm trying to listen to the right music you know, i got my headphones on Something just trying to get pumped up But I find sometimes the pep talk is a little too much and I find myself being a little insecure, like why do I need this?
Speaker 3:Does your pep talk sound like a negative voice or does it sound like a out of boy? You got this, you know.
Speaker 2:Hmm, i don't know, to be honest. I have to think more about that, but it must be a little. It must be more, a little like Come on, like don't do what you did last time, maybe that's that's more negative, that's more negative, that's that was.
Speaker 3:if I'm really honest, that's my pep talk. It's like, come on, you know what? you're doing. How you know what to do, like why are you doing this? and then I checked to see you know. Then I have a little bit of like a Weird, like you know. No, marcus, see, a para has to like do all those things. Yeah. I have a little of that too. Yeah like I'm checking if my laces are like all the things.
Speaker 1:I'm a doll stuff.
Speaker 3:But yeah, it's never like you're amazing trees, you've got this like you know. It's like I don't even know how to say that even out loud. So I think the negative self-talk has always been the motivation. Like I said earlier, like my, just the wanting to be my older brother, like Yeah, that well, and that wasn't for a good reason, it was because I can't.
Speaker 3:I've hated him and I wanted to beat him. Now I love him but and I still haven't beaten him, but it was. It's sports to me has always had a little bit of that.
Speaker 2:Do you think it'd be beneficial to have a hype man going into any sporting event? You know, boxers literally have a person behind the seat. Yeah, it almost makes sense, right.
Speaker 3:Look at Tony Robbins. How many people go to a seminar. I mean, i feel like it'd be nice to have that come naturally, but if it doesn't, then someone there, yeah, yeah, and I feel like that's why somebody You know always want someone in the audience for them that they can look at and just be grounded again. Yeah, but yeah, it'd be cool to.
Speaker 2:I mean, i wonder if because if you can just like write down a piece of paper like all the things you would want to have, a Perfect scenario going into a tennis match, i guess, because we're talking about tennis, that would be one of them, actually some sort of person there, almost like what movies that? oh, not your Libre, remember when? um yeah, remember when they were massaging the.
Speaker 3:The evil guy was his name, oh, my god, i can't remember any names from that movie, but yeah, ramses and then he would.
Speaker 2:There he's getting a massage, he goes Ramses is number one, ramses muscles are number one, like that kind of stuff. Yeah it's a big pep talk.
Speaker 3:I think so. But you know what we would do because we're not used to it. We'd be like shut up.
Speaker 2:No, we're not like no, you're right, I'm like you're right, do it to him, not to me He probably needs it more than I do, you're right.
Speaker 3:That's what would happen. You're right until, like, we would train it ourselves to be worthy and deserving. Yes we're always gonna like that.
Speaker 2:See, that's interesting too, because I always think of it as training myself to be like a killer, but it's more like just training yourself to feel deserving of the win, of the success. Yeah, that's interesting. No, i know. Yeah, that's really interesting.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then to know that when you do win, that it was deserved and that that other person needs to know what it feels like. Yes lose and learn to be a loser.
Speaker 4:Yeah, because it was for the moment of the moment, for the moment.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're not a loser. Yeah, you lost a game, yeah, and then you can learn from it, you know, because if you never lost like, you're not gonna improve. You know, but I feel like it's a lot mental. tennis is always mental, you know, for me, because it didn't matter how great a shape I was, if I had an off day or if I wasn't Feeling good in my skin Oh, i just sucked.
Speaker 2:No, i'm totally with you. The days where something happened the night before or works on my mind or I felt like a little I should have done better with that file at work or something like that, even that slight insecurity translated to me during the tennis match and it just wouldn't be the same me.
Speaker 3:No, that slight insecurity was enough for me to quit sports when I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have, but I didn't have the tools. I didn't have that positive voice in my head, certainly not then to have had the. You know, just be patient with myself. And but most those coaches back then were 80s coaches that were just like you suck, you don't score, you're out of here. So it was those sort of and don't get me wrong, those are also motivational, but it's not being able to discern worthiness, and I think that's the thing is. Like you here, you suck enough, do. I suck.
Speaker 3:Those are the voices you know, And I still have that when I play tennis, if and when I play anymore.
Speaker 2:but But isn't that interesting though, that you, or maybe even me, if we heard that we would take it one way. But there's probably another kid out there that would almost use that as the chip on their shoulder to strive to be better.
Speaker 3:I think that that's true, but I always think there's a glass ceiling you're gonna hit eventually, whether it happens on the court or in your personal life. some things gotta give there because at some point it it, it caves in.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, So do you think, cause I'm experiencing this with Isla now, like even outside, just hitting tennis balls with her on the street if I'm correcting her a little too much, I can see her little face like sort of getting sad And she just wants dad to be proud of her and play with her And like.
Speaker 2:So I find myself just saying good job, good job, and then she's naturally enjoying the sport more, so it's even outside. It's sort of hard for me to try to be the right coach and the right dad. And she's eight.
Speaker 3:So by eight I had those coaches and I was, you know, and I had this competitive. I think I just had that innately. I'm one of five kids Like you're always vying for your place on the couch, the remote, the front seat of the car. You know you were just always wanting. You know my parents couldn't afford five things for everyone, so it was like that one thing And then you have to fight for it, right? So you know, i think we all had this like competitive edge. I think you're either have that or you don't at some point.
Speaker 3:But at eight it is interesting for me to see when I go to cause I don't have kids, my nieces and nephews games like how nice the coaches are, and like PC and good at a girl, and like my mind goes, what the heck? Like I'm thinking you should hear what I'm thinking in my head that I can't say because these are eight year old kids, but you should hear, and so I think there's something wrong with me. But I'd be like God can't watch this. It's like they're all bunched in the middle. They need to be on the sun, like it's crazy. So I think to your point, like what you're doing is probably the healthy thing. I just it would be interesting to like sort of go unpack that more with someone who knows, because at what point does it turn competitive? and that you do need a little fire under your butt, like at what point does that happen?
Speaker 2:Well, it's definitely a thing I struggle with being a parent too, because the when someone sees like your kid get a scrape knee or something and then you go and say, oh my gosh, there's always a person that says, like throw a little dirt on it, and I get the expression totally right, cause you want them to toughen up. The real world's going to be very tough, so they need to experience that with you, kind of thing. But at the same time it's like so hard to not be their protector, right, and to like pick them up and all that kind of stuff. Oh, now the dog came in the door. So it's just it's interesting that I'm having a real tough time like figuring out even that part, but that's being a parent, i guess.
Speaker 3:I think that's being a parent And I don't know if anyone will ever really figure that out, but I think you're doing a great job. I see two very well adjusted humans. They're really sweet, kind people, and that's you know. But in terms of sports, i haven't seen them enough in a sporting, competitive, that's so. So I wouldn't know. But I look, look I when I see like even our niece Kalista, she has that, this competitive edge, and it's fun to see that. So I just don't know if it's a nade or if it's Todd or if it's both, or like. I'd be interesting to have somebody on here that knows.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that would be. that would be a good conversation When do you go from kid to competitor? Yeah, it's, I don't know. That's a good question. It seems like it's sort of half and half in a weird way, Like you need someone to be there to help you along, but at the same time you need that drive inside. Yeah, Two, because if you have just one or the other, it's maybe won't work. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I mean, i was surrounded by other people that had had it too, so whether it's siblings or other sports people. Like you know, we had some really great teams growing up. I mean, my high school soccer team was better than my college soccer team. Like we grew up in a very athletic like driven town, so it was nice to have that, but at the same time that's that negative. That negative just got to me. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 3:I know now we have. We have people in the room.
Speaker 2:Yeah, little ones came in the room when they shouldn't have come in, but I mean, i really enjoyed talking with you, therese. Yes, the time's been 50 minutes.
Speaker 3:I me too, you know. I feel like next I'm going to talk to you in podcast mode all the time, because it's nice to connect. Yeah. I mean as a sister in law, like you don't have to be BFFs with your family in laws, but it is nice to have a closeness that we all have and to like get to know each other and connect that way too.
Speaker 2:Not to talk about, hold on a second, not to talk about, like cell phones and things. But it's funny, my daughter that just graduated high school. She said they didn't allow them to use cell phones during the graduation and she goes. We were all just talking, so it's so crazy. But you're right, this kind of stuff needs to happen more often. It shouldn't just happen when we put ourselves in podcast mode Like there's nothing wrong with like going to get a beer together and like putting our cell phones away, right, like seeing what we talk about.
Speaker 3:And actually being present and being like curious Yes, Like naturally curious about each other. I think that's the thing. So I know we've talked a lot about random things, but I think the underlying thing is like the community piece, the mental health aspect of being a competitive sports athlete, and then also like this desire to want to continue to learn about yourself and to allow yourself to be in its full glory full expression It's hard.
Speaker 2:It is hard, and then to allow yourself to be what's the word? What's that word? Expose, like, allow yourself to be exposed a little. Yeah, like, exactly.
Speaker 3:So I think that's when I'm like Anthony, you have a poker face. I think we did play a game of questions And I could just feel you weren't fully answering everything, And I don't. I didn't know what that was, but I really do understand you a little bit more after.
Speaker 2:Well, i don't the funny thing is just to wrap it up sort of like I actually will counsel people to do that, like if I hear Denise talk with someone, they'll ask her about something, and I feel I know this might sound weird She's a little too open. Later on I'll go, babe, like you know, like you don't really know that person, be a little more, hold it back a little more. Do you know? maybe you shouldn't be telling them all these things? Then I started thinking to myself like yeah, i don't really open myself up like that, which I should.
Speaker 3:Well, it's interesting you chose podcasting In this part of your life because I think the attorney thing. I forget sometimes that you're an attorney when I think about you as my brother-in-law, but that makes total sense. And now you're choosing something that you have to actually be vulnerable and be curious.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, this dog is cracking me up.
Speaker 3:See vulnerable and curious.
Speaker 2:Well, since the little kid and the dog ruined our podcast. but that was awesome, Teresa.
Speaker 3:No, it was fun, Thank you Thanks for having me No that was so cool, so let me end it here.
Speaker 2:and I really appreciate it. Thanks. Oh, i give everyone a little gift. Rock and rod labor just reminded me of your dad for some reason, so I found rod labor card for you. So there's your gift The rock and rod. It reminds me of your dad, right? Yeah, well, thank you Teresa. Thank you so much.
